FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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