What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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