Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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