Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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