He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
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