I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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