his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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