Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
