I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
