Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
