I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
