He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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