I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
