I skipped work to stalk him.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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