And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
