i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
