chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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