My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
