I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
