im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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