Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
