they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
