Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You have to summon your inner elephant
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
