"it" just moved
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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