He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Moan for me like Helen Keller
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
