make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
