I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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