So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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