he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
