im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
