fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize