did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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