Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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