She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
