In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Randomize
