On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
