You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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