I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
