right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
