Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
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