I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I need moral support for this bender
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
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