If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize