The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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