i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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