As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
