A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
