Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
