Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
