Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
We need to get me chipped asap
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