The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
