You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
i drank out of a bidet.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
