I have demons in me.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
