i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
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