I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Randomize
