Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
