party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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