I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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