Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
