Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
