Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
He had one of those small greek statue penises
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
