My Higher Power is John Stamos
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
