I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
