i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Randomize
