i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize