I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
