I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
