i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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