Umm I'm too high to move.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
