New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
