fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
