I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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