You're my little dorito
I got chris browned last night
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
