if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize