is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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