hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
