Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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