Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
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