He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
