he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
