Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
operation harelip BJ is a go
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
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