Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize