we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
