I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
