I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
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