I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize